With Love, Meghan
Sign of Relief
The song Phoenix by Big Red Machine sounds calming, with an unexpected deeper meaning. The lyrics read as a dialogue between two musicians. One asks the other how he handles fame, “How do you bear the full weight?…How do you stay in that tower? How do you reckon your own power?”
The other answers sentimentally, “I was trying to find my way, I was thinking my mind was made, but you were making my heart change shape.” He was certain he wanted one thing in his career, but his heart—not his mind—changed. He says, “It’s all that I could take.” Maybe his heart broke before it changed shape.
The song grapples with what it means to be set apart from the rest—on a stage, on a screen, in a tower. When you’re separated from the group, does it matter if you’re above or below?
This song opens the first episode of With Love, Meghan. I’d argue it sets the tone for the series. Meghan knows what it’s like to be set apart, then torn apart. Then to find her way again.
Justin Vernon and Aaron Dessner of Big Red Machine, the band that wrote Phoenix.
Beauty
I like putting the TV on in the background while I do chores. One day, I picked With Love, Meghan. The show follows Meghan Markle as she cooks, crafts, and chats with friends. Perfect background noise.
But I quickly had a problem. This show is so aesthetically beautiful, I couldn’t look away. My chores were not getting done.
Everything on this show is beautiful. I don’t say that lightly. The sun-drenched kitchen, the sweeping mountain-scape in the backyard, Meghan’s outfits, Meghan herself. I struggled to find the right word to describe the environment Meghan created. Soft, gentle, warm, friendly…none totally captured it.
Then it hit me—safe. On this show, mistakes are okay. Hugs are abundant. Questions are really just compliments. Friends are dear. Everything is under control.
Meghan’s backyard.
But the show isn’t phony or boring. Meghan feels genuine to me. I believe she makes bath salts for her guests and that she actually likes making bath salts. And I loved watching her make bath salts. Megan’s not stupid either. Her intellect comes through, along with a deeper, though never directly addressed, strength.
When I felt tempted to criticize Meghan, I paused (for example, WTF are edible flowers? And as someone who owns more than one pair of Mother jeans, YES I clocked her wearing Mother jeans to feed chickens). Calling all this silly and pointless felt like a comment on myself, not Meghan. I don’t criticize other home-cooking shows like Magnolia Kitchen or Great British Bake-Off for being easy. I like them because they’re easy.
The truth is, if a friend presented me with any of the gifts Meghan made, from a full on harvest basket to “just” homemade coffee creamer, I legitimately think I would cry. To have someone so kind, put so much care into a personalized gift, and deliver it with a hug….Who among us would be unaffected by that?
Which is the problem. Below all this beauty might lie something sinister—in us, not Meghan.
Kneading Your Hands Too Tight
How did we get here?
Meghan entered the British Royal Family in 2017. S*** hit the fan immediately. I’m not gonna go through it, but you can refresh your memory here, here, or here.
The more I felt the safety of Meghan’s show, the more I thought about how, “for everything that happens, there’s an equal and opposite reaction.” How dark did it get that Meghan would retreat to such levity?
Many people called With Love, Meghan out-of-touch, trad-wife-y, and tone deaf. That’s fine. (Don’t get me started on how Great Britain could at once celebrate a whimsical show about home bakers, while also “roasting” Meghan for baking at home, but whatever.) The content of the criticism didn’t make me pause, it was the eagerness to criticize. To me, it felt like the cart was coming before the horse. Whatever Meghan does, people seem to backtrack into being bad.
Why?
The Beautiful and the Damned
Almost every fairy tale maiden has a prince chasing her and an old woman gunning for her. Her beauty is admired, but coveted.
I think it’s that simple. When we see Meghan making beautiful things in her beautiful Montecito home, we feel jealous of her.
This beauty-jealousy-criticism cycle doesn’t just happen to Meghan. Other women like Blake Lively, Taylor Swift, Emily Ratajkowski, Amber Heard have all faced mass hatred, coupled with the idea that “they deserved it.” I think we’re making up reasons to name these women guilty, so we can feel justified in criticizing them. Because if they’re not difficult or liars or “just as bad” or “asking for it,” what would that say about us for being so mean to them?
It’s impossible for me to defend any of these women personally because I don’t know them. Maybe they really are the worst! But that brings up another question. Does someone have to meet a minimum moral standard to deserve respect?
And how could we possibly pass that standard ourselves? If Meghan deserves mass hatred for “being vain”, what do we deserve for massively hating her? Is our jealously somehow better than her “vanity”?
If we moved our attention away from these women, what would we see in ourselves?
“My voice forever remains the most valuable asset I have".” - Amber Heard
Taylor Swift, Emily Ratajkowski, Meghan Markle, Amber Heard, Blake Lively.
Phoenix
Co-writer Aaron Dessner confirmed Phoenix was named after the Arizona city where the song’s conversation actually took place. The musicians were talking backstage in Phoenix.
But I wonder if there’s another reason for the title.
The song lyric, “Later I’d watch you and wonder what it was like,” describes my experience watching With Love, Meghan. Here I was, eight years later, watching Meghan float barefoot around her kitchen, wondering what it was like for her to exit the royal family, absorb the media’s hate, then somehow rise from the ashes.
Like a Phoenix.
Meghan says in one episode that she loves “just being home and connecting with friends…I’m just so grateful for that.” I’m impressed that she’s turning to gratitude and trying to put beauty into the world, in her own way. She’s strong. She didn’t let her experiences turn her bitter.
I hope that she, and all these women, keeps rising.
And if you want a breakdown of every outfit Meghan wore on the show… I’LL JUST LEAVE THIS HERE.
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