Melting our hearts and our TV screens

What do all these Christmas ladies have to do with Hot Frosty??
*(From left to right: Lacey Chabert as Gretchen in* Mean Girls, Jessica Waters as Lucille Bluth in Arrested Development, Sabrina Carpenter, Betty Friedan, Kris Jenner, Catherine O’Hara as Moira Rose in Schitts Creek, Lacey Chabert as Kathy in Hot Frosty, and Hot Frosty himself.)

Mr. Sexy Snowman and Mrs. Leading Lady

I was doubled over laughing, listening to an episode of the podcast Conan O’Brien Needs a Friend. Conan and his team were spitballing ideas for a Hallmark movie he could star in. So far, he’s a sensitive liberal arts professor, marooned in the woods with his gorgeous white water rafting instructor.

“And then…I look up at the stars, and from memory recite this beautiful Walt Whitman poem and she sees me in a different way. And then we go into a tent, and this is the part that’s going to depart a little from Hallmark…” (9:58 minutes).

Why do Hallmark and Lifetime movies always hint but never deliver? Otherwise, we’re departing from the genre.

Hot Frosty promises big time in its trailer. Dustin Milligan is shirtless a lot. The townswomen go crazy and one woman even crashes her car to get a look at Jack the Snowman. The movie is on Netflix, but the creators are clearly throwing their hat in the ring for one of these holiday Hallmark or Lifetime movies.

The movie doesn’t really have a plot beyond ‘this guy is crazy hot.’ Our leading lady (Lacey Chabert, Gretchen from Mean Girls) magically brings to life a sexy snowman, who has the spirit of a toddler inside the body of a male model (played by Dustin Milligan, Ted from Schitts Creek). Both actors are absolute delights. The movie follows their love story.

The first thing that surprised me in the movie wasn’t that a snowman can come to life. It was the main character’s name: Kathy. Most Kathy’s were born mid century. Chabert is 42.

Kathy saves Jack from melting and Jack saves Kathy from emotionally freezing.

We find out Kathy is a widow. Her husband died of cancer. Now, she’s in a rut and not sure what to do with the next chapter of her life. Most of Kathy’s girlfriends are in their sixties.

Kathy is a surrogate character for an older female audience. If these details weren’t enough, her outfit for the “big dance” with Jack seals the deal for me. It’s very mother of the bride. Lacey Chabert is beautiful, and looks beautiful in her cocktail dress, but that’s exactly it…she looks beautiful. The dress is modest and her hair and make-up are approachable. (Meanwhile Jack is in a tux!)

If Kathy brought it to her evening attire (a la Gretchen for Jingle Bells in Mean Girls), perhaps the audience of older women would no longer relate? But I’m not so sure. Something tells me Kris Jenner or Moira Rose wouldn’t see themselves in this outfit.

The opening two minutes tell us everything we need to know about Kathy: single, home needs major repair, owns local diner. Her house’s broken heater sets up a great metaphor that will be fulfilled later. Her home (where the heart is) is cold and a special someone can make it warm again. But there’s a twist! Jack gives Kathy the home repair book (and confidence) to fix the heater all by herself. Jack is the catalyst for Kathy’s self-love. Which is all very sweet, and I will take any reference to Dr. Seuss’ The Grinch I can get, but my god, why was something else “two sizes too small” not growing threefold to close out this movie??

Why advertise the movie with Dustin Milligan’s six pack then serve me non-alcoholic beer?

If Kathy represents our everyday-older-woman, Jack would be that demographic’s dream guy. He is selfless. He fixes everything in her house, cooks her dinner (“When was the last time someone cooked you dinner?” is my favorite sexual innuendo in the movie), and never complains. In one of the movie’s only points of conflict, Jack doesn’t kiss Kathy because he’s afraid of hurting her—he doesn’t want Kathy to lose him (when he inevitably melts) like she lost her late husband. How considerate. On Christmas morning he tells her, “I figured out who your second true love story should be. It’s you.”

The flip side of this implies a lot of older women would be dealing with grumpy, ugly husbands who are useless around the house, never cook dinner (or “cook dinner”), and complain a lot. If Jack does all those chores without asking, it would mean our everyday guy fails to deliver after a lot of nagging. I don’t know what’s going on in people’s real lives. But if Jack is an antidote, this would be the archetype he’s here to alleviate.

In the end, Kathy saves Jack from melting and Jack saves Kathy from emotionally freezing. I’m here for it. But why advertise the movie with Dustin Milligan’s six pack then serve me non-alcoholic beer?

AKA… why is Kathy not f****** the s*** out of this guy?

Meek Lady Romance

I think Kathy herself can best answer that question.

Throughout the movie, all the other ladies ogle openly at Jack. At one point they drink martinis while watching him change a lightbulb atop a dining room table, wearing the mere suggestion of a shirt. Cue the hot flashes.

But Kathy is noticeably tight-lipped and polite the entire movie. She’s not in that martini scene. She doesn’t let on that she’s attracted to Jack and dismisses anyone who implies such. She’s reluctant and practical.

Kathy’s relationship with Jack is emotion-based and builds slowly. We touch a hand half-jokingly, then he touches our collarbone (gasp!), then we almost kiss, then we actually kiss, but even then Kathy is kissing Jack when he’s unconscious, like Ariel saving Prince Eric. It’s one of the few scenes when Jack has a shirt on. Kathy resists and the romance happens to her.

“Crime doesn’t take a holiday Kathy. Neither do I.” - Sheriff Hunter

Kathy has some fun, like when she eats the head off a snowman cookie and Jack looks horrified. Or the shopping montage when Jack tries on suit after suit (so handsome). But not as much fun as other characters. Like Mrs. Miller who has Jack get behind her “car” and “push,” or like Mrs. Jennings who catches Jack streaking but “doesn’t get a good look at his face.” Give me the hilarious movie in which Kathy finds out what Mr. Snowman’s got! A carrot? An icicle that grows and melts? Is he a real boy? Kathy can play with innuendos inside this PG world, like the other ladies.

Which makes me wonder…Why tell a sexless love story inside a world of sexual silliness?

If Kathy is a surrogate for an older female audience, it would mean older women are not comfortable with their sexuality. Which is not true!

So I’m calling this type of holiday movie ‘meek lady romance.’ This genre gets its kicks second-hand through other characters, but isn’t comfortable with the main character partaking in the shenanigans. We receive love that is 99% initiated by the man. But we don’t act.

Where does this aversion to action come from?

“Hawaii? For both of us? Together?” - Jack

Nonsense & Confidence

Betty Friedan, in her 1963 book The Feminine Mystique, boils it down to self-confidence.

Friedan references a study conducted in the 1930’s by Abraham Maslow (yes, as in Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs) that pins down “the relationship between sexuality and what he called ‘dominance feeling’ or ‘self-esteem’...in women” (382)*. Maslow found that “the more ‘dominant’ the woman, the greater her enjoyment of sexuality” (382).

Which tracks! Kathy has the “shyness, timidity…and self-consciousness” of the “low-dominance” woman Maslow describes (383). No wonder she squirms at a naked snowman in her house. It goes against “what [she has] been taught to do by [her] parents, [her] teachers or [her] religion” (384). No wonder the moral of Hot Frosty is “love yourself.” (I certainly don’t need a guy to tell me to love myself???) Kathy might not have the self-assurance to do that on her own.

‘A Nonsense Christmas’ by Sabrina Carpenter

Let’s take at a “high-dominance” Christmas Lady for example. Sabrina Carpenter’s song ‘A Nonsense Christmas’ is clever, playful, and…well…: “When you’re coming down the chimney, oh, it feels so good. I need that Charles Dickens.” She’s not self-conscious. She’s the one making the joke.

Carpenter has the confidence to go “against conventionality,” even if other people disprove (384). As Maslow puts it: “rules per se generally mean nothing to these women” (384). Women from the 1930’s!

The fantasy of these Hallmark movies is that a dream guy will sweep us off our feet—without us ever having to leave our comfort zone.

Carpenter addresses the song to her man (“my true love” with “a huge north pole”), which means that unlike Kathy, she is comfortable with direct sexuality. She wants to make herself laugh and turn him on. She even laughs at herself on the track! Which is very Lucille Bluth of her.

Maslow notes “a common phrase” with high-dominance women is “‘I can be nice and sweet…but my tongue is in my cheek’” (384). Sounds like ho, ho, ho…

“You got a new toy for me, I’m out here trimming the tree.” - Sabrina Carpenter

You have to pay to play when it comes to love. If you’re going to put yourself out there, you’re putting yourself out for rejection half the time. As Kathy’s friend says, “You’ll never find warmth unless you venture into the cold.” You need self-confidence to bear that chill. For a character like Kathy who might not have self-confidence, it’s more appealing to stay in your bubble, then conveniently have a (very sexy) man persist his way in.

In the end, I don’t think the fantasy of these Hallmark movies is sex or even romance. I think it’s that a dream guy will sweep us off our feet—without us ever having to leave our comfort zone.

Which means the fix for Kathy isn’t to be hyper-sexual. It’s to be more self-confident. Just like the moral of the movie says.

I like these ‘meek lady romance’ stories. Hot Frosty is heartwarming and funny. I am happy Kathy learned to love herself. But I must say, I like a leading lady who will hit the octave.

Anyway, whether it’s hot or nonsense, I hope you have a very happy holiday season.

XO

Break My Heart

*Maslow’s study was published in 1942 as Self Esteem (Dominance-Feeling) and Sexuality in Women.

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Hot Frosty